


Falling Angel

by amessofcontradictions, theprofoundestofbonds



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-16
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-12 00:17:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amessofcontradictions/pseuds/amessofcontradictions, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprofoundestofbonds/pseuds/theprofoundestofbonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean Winchester are working on a case at a beach in South Dakota. Business as usual, they gank the monster and all is right in the world. That is, until Castiel shows up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vamps and Beaches

**Author's Note:**

> This is a destiel fic but it has a lot more to it than just their love (don't get me wrong, there is A LOT of that, it just has a bit more to it.) Everything before season six is canon. Except Sammy was not pulled into the cage with Lucifer in this fic. I hope you enjoy and please leave comments, negative or positive.

Lewis and Clark Lake, South Dakota

 

Dean walks down the lakefront, feeling like an idiot with his heavily laced boots on. Other people run through, into, and out of the water screaming excitedly and he just feels very out of place in his hunter gear. A woman in a bikini walks past and eyes Dean suspiciously and, well, he can't blame her. _I do look like a creep._

He walks back up the lakefront and sits at a bench away from all the people frolicking in the ocean. Growing increasingly impatient, he taps his fingers and looks around nervously. _Where the hell is Sammy?_ The woman eyeing him pulls out her phone and Dean rolls his eyes. Some people just don’t understand the difference between actual danger and the danger society invents for them.

"Hey," Sam says, finally coming up behind him. Dean breathes a sigh of relief and jumps up from the bench. "Finally, man. I swear, that paranoid chick over there was about to call the cops on me for lurking. Whatcha got?"

Sam raises his eyebrows and glances at the suddenly not so attractive woman who’s still sending them strange glances. Sam just smiles, annoying the hell out of Dean. Sammy didn’t have to sit here with her judging eyes on him. Moving on, Sam answers, “Uh, well there isn't much, just a bunch of eyewitness accounts that don't match up. We're gonna need to go check the house out for ourselves tonight."

“What do you think it is?” Dean asks as he turns his full body toward Sam, ignoring the woman and focusing on the hunt.

Sam brushes his hair from his face and hands Dean a list of people’s names and addresses that Sammy must have checked up on. Dean pretends to study it as Sammy says, “Well, after talking to all the witnesses, I think it’s probably a vampire. I mean, none of them told the same story, but from what I gathered, that seems to be the most likely option.”

Dean nods. "Alright, let's get something to eat and then we'll go check it out."

Sammy nods, and leads the way to the Impala. He’s had her for most of the day and Dean’s missed his baby. Sammy throws him the keys and Dean climbs in happily just as a cop pulls into the lakefront parking lot.

Dean grips the wheel and mutters angrily as Sam says wonderingly, “She actually called the cops.” He turns and studies Dean with squinted eyes, “Mmm, you do look like a stalker.”

“Shut up, Bitch.”

Sammy laughs, “Jerk”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean walks through the hotel room and falls right onto the bed, letting his head hit the pillow face down. The hunt had ended up being three vamps living at some old beach house. It was obvious they were new, just accidents that had been tossed out. They were easy to take out but he’s still exhausted. His clothes are bloody and stick to him in a way that makes his stomach churn. He would have liked to jump right in the shower but he knew Sammy is more of a girl about these things. So, he lets him go first while he lays there and lets the hunt evaporate off of him.

A few minutes in and the smell gets to be too much so Dean drags his sorry butt to a sitting position and peels off the soaked shirt. He tosses it across the room, and notices that his jeans are covered as well. With an exaggerated sigh, he stands up and slides his jeans off. He tosses them across the room and grabs a pair of sweat pants. Just as he is about to put them on, one foot raised to step into them, he hears a familiar sound. A flap of wings rings in his ears and Cas is standing before him, very closely before him.

"Cas." Dean yelps, stepping back quickly to create some space between them. _The dude is practically on top of me, still having no idea what personal space is._

The angel takes one look at the almost naked Dean and his eyes grow wide. "My apologies,” he squeaks; just as soon as he'd come, he’s gone. Dean curses under his breath as he pulls on the sweatpants. Then he rolls his eyes and prays to the empty room, "Okay, Cas, you can come back, man."

This time he shows up in a corner of the room and his eyes won’t meet Dean’s. "I should have checked first, Dean. I am-"

Dean feels his face grow warm and cuts him off, "Shut up, Cas. Just tell me what you’re doing here?"

After a few silent seconds, Castiel finally meets Dean’s gaze and step out from his corner. "I came to see that you were alright. I didn't mean to-"

Dean holds his hands up, "Seriously, forget it. What's going on? Any angel crap you wanna warn us about?"

His brows furrow, "I am not sure what you mean by that."

Dean laughs and starts to explain when Sammy walks out of the bathroom, fully dressed and toweling at his stupidly long hair. He stops in his tracks when he notices Castiel. "Oh, hey, Cas. What's up?," he asks happily just before realizing the awkwardness in the air. The look on Castiel’s face is close to horrified and Sammy almost asks, but doesn’t. He has a feeling it involves a certain brainless hunter who looks like he’s trying to cover up a blush.

Castiel ignores Sam’s hello and looks between the two brothers, “You just returned from a hunt?”

Dean turns back to Cas and nods. "Yeah, but like that’s anything new. What’s happening in Heaven?"

Castiel looks down and then at Sam, shyly avoiding eye contact with Dean. "Nothing, really. I have not been to heaven recently."

Dean notices the way Cas averts his eyes as if he is hiding something and Dean steps forward, suspicious. At his proximity change, Cas’s eyes dart up to Deans nervously and Dean knows he’s got him. He takes another step to seal it and says, “What happened, Cas?”

The angel’s eyes dart back and forth between the brothers and suddenly he is gone. The flap of wings rings in Dean’s ears and he curses. Dean had forgotten the difference between interrogating a monster and interrogating an angel: an angel can run away, especially when you aren't expecting them to. And Dean knows that it isn’t an interrogation, he does. He just can’t help the hunter instinct that comes out, especially with the heaven crap. If something is going on, Dean would like to know that sooner rather than later.

“What do you think that’s about?” Sam asks, looking from where Cas stood to Dean. He notices the look on Dean’s face, the look he gets when he’s pretending to be pissed and is really just hurt.

Dean shrugs and walks toward the bathroom. “Whatever it is, Cas won’t tell us until it’s good for him… Selfish bastard.” Dean slams the bathroom door and a few seconds later Sam hears the shower turn on.

Sam frowns, trying to understand why the poor guy couldn't just tell them. _We’re his friends. He should be able to trust us._


	2. Don't run away again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is upset at Castiel. When he begins to realize why, him and Sam find themselves in need of a summoning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, school takes a lot of time from the writing process. Hope you enjoy the second chapter and please please please leave comments.

                 The crack and hum of the Impala's engine is like sweet music to Dean's ears as he leans against her. He is alone in the empty hotel parking lot with his back pressed to the driver’s side window of the Impala. His eyes close lazily, his head tilting forward slightly. Dean likes his music, he takes great pride in his taste in music, but nothing beats the sound his Baby makes. Her purr instantly relaxes him and all worries are forgotten. For a minute, anyways. Then Sammy has to tromp around the car like the moose he is, screwing up the beautiful rhythm. Dean opens his eyes, frowning, and straightens up. "You ready yet, princess?"

                Sammy rolls his eyes and holds up Dean's poor excuse for a hygiene bag. Really, it’s just a large Ziploc bag full of everything he uses in the bathroom including toothbrush, razor, and soap that are still soaked from their use last night. The deodorant is stuffed in it, too, getting soaked along with everything else. “You should be thanking me for searching the room before we leave. You forgot this."

                Dean rolls his eyes and snatches the bag from him. "Whatever, let’s get going," he says grumpily, walking around the car to toss the bag into the trunk.  He pops it open and tosses it in with the duffels and things that civilians can see: the things that conceal the hidden compartment of guns and monster weapons.

                Sam doesn't say what's on his mind as Dean stomps back up to the front of the car, knowing that saying anything would only piss Dean off more.  _Still mad at Cas, Dean?_   They get into the Impala simultaneously, hitting the seat and slamming their doors together. Dean immediately switches on the radio to avoid any conversation. He knows Sammy's been itching to say something about Cas but he’s too tired and annoyed to entertain the idea of arguing.

                He could, though. If Dean wanted to, he could argue his head off about why he's pissed at Cas and why it’s completely justified that he is.  _Me keeping my mouth shut has nothing to do with not having an argument, because I have one, damn it. I just don't want to argue with Sammy about it. I have every right to be mad at Cas. The dude should trust us._

                A few hours into the journey, Dean surprises himself by reaching over to the radio and for the first time in his life he turns the sound down as Heat of the Moment plays. Sammy frowns and turns to Dean, curious and somewhat nervous to find out what’s on Dean's mind. No matter how serious a hunt or issue, Dean is never one to turn down his music. He would more likely shout over it than turn it down, especially on this song. Even more surprising, though, is what Dean says: "Man, I'm worried about Cas."

                Sam raises his eyebrows, trying to decide if the look on Dean’s face is genuine concern or whether he’s still pissed off. Dean isn't one to change his mind, and to show this worry for Cas when he was so hurt is, well, crazy, to say the least.  _I’d ask him, but Dean would never give me a real answer so why bother_? Instead he asks, "What do you think is going on with him?"

                Dean shakes his head once and turns his head slightly away from Sam to hide his face, embarrassed to admit his worrying about Cas. He grips the wheel harder and feels his stomach knot up. "I don't know. I just know that something isn't right about this. I mean, it’s Cas, ya know? He isn't acting like a dick on purpose."

                Sam nods, "I know he isn't. When did you remember that?," he says without hesitation, knowing it’s something Dean needs to hear whether he likes it or not.  

                Dean shoots Sammy a glare. "I'm still pissed he won't tell us himself." His face softens after he says this, and he adds quietly, "I just wonder if he has a good reason for it."

                Sam nods, understanding Dean’s point. He is still pissed at Cas but now he’s starting to worry. "Okay, so what do you want to do?" Sam asks.

                Dean thinks about this and then shrugs. He knows Cas must have some reason not to tell them and he’s going to figure that reason out. "I guess we summon ourselves an angel."

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                The brothers make the drive back to Bobby's from the Lewis and Clark Lake in less than two hours and it’s barely ten o’clock when they arrive. As soon as they park, they’re out of the car and hurrying into the house. Bobby sits at his desk, already deep into his books. Dean had called and filled Bobby in after Sammy had lost the argument with Dean that summoning was wrong and Dean decided it was necessary.

                “Whatcha got, Bobby?” Dean asks, stopping to put his coat on the coatrack.

                Bobby doesn’t look up from the book as he mutters, “I’ve got the list, just not all the damn supplies.”

                Dean walks up to the desk and leans over it, studying the list. “Alright, so we just need two more things. Where do we get… how do you even say that?” 

                Bobby shuts the book and stands, rolling his eyes at Dean. “Why don’t you just save us the trouble and pray to the damn angel, ya idjit?”

                Dean looks back at Sam who just crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the wall. Dean rolls his eyes, knowing Sammy must've snuck in a call while Dean was in the bathroom at that rest stop forty minutes out. He turns back to Bobby to explain why AGAIN, “I’ve tried. He won’t answer.” Bobby raises his eyebrows as if to say _that explanation isn't good enough_  and Dean caves, “We need to get him trapped anyways. He isn’t gonna tell us anything if we don’t have leverage over him.”

                “We shouldn’t be plotting against him like he’s some sort of monster, Dean. He’s our friend, he’s Cas.” Sammy says in his whiny voice.

                “Dammit, I know that.” Dean looks between the two of them and their judge-y eyes, and storms out of the room. He hears Sammy whisper something to Bobby just as he slams the front door; Dean rushes into the sunlight and curses at the change in light.  _Dammit, I know Cas is our friend. I know._

                Dean walks into the yard of cars, deep enough that he feels hidden, and sits behind an unidentifiably smashed-up truck. He pulls out his flask and takes a huge gulp of whiskey as his mind races over all the things he’s doing wrong. Cas is his friend, he’s not just some other monster to trick. Yet, Dean can’t help but feel like if he doesn’t hold him down he’ll lose his angel forever.

                 _My angel? Dammit, I’m getting soft_. Dean huffs in frustration and takes another swig, wishing he could get drunk faster. He leans his head back after a few minutes and closes his eyes, telling himself he is feeling a buzz and not a headache coming on. He lets his mind drift to other things like the sound of iron creeping and birds chirping.

                He is in such a trance that he doesn’t notice the sound of flapping wings or even Cas until a hand reaches out to touch his arm. Then his eyes open and he sees the little angel, dressed in a trench coat with his hair ruffled messily and his tie out if place. Dean finds himself wanting to smile but holds it back and just stares at the look of concern on Cas’s face. He tilts his head slightly and asks, “Dean, Sam prayed-“

                “Dammit, Sam,” Dean says angrily, cutting Cas off. He pushes the angel back and gets to his feet clumsily out of the mess of car parts around him. “He shouldn’t have called you.” Castiel is slightly taken aback by this.  _Does Dean Winchester not want me here?_

He backs up further to give Dean his space to come out from the crevice between the broken cars.  Dean looks Cas straight in the eyes and sighs, “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, man. You can go back to your angel crap. We’re fine.”

                Cas’s head tilts even more to the side and his eyebrows come together. He stares back at Dean, confused. “Sam said that you needed to ask me something,” he says.

                Dean puts a hand over his face and sighs dramatically, “Well, I don’t, so just go.”

                Cas straightens himself up, ready to argue. “If there is something Sam is concerned about, I’d like to hear about it.”

                Dean groans, annoyed and at a loss. He doesn't have a clue what to do with this angel now that he’s here and ready to talk because Dean doesn’t know how to ask him, how to talk to him without the security of an angel trap. He can’t help it; he’s a hunter after all. “Then go talk to him.”

                Cas steps forward, irritated now, so that there are only a few inches between him and Dean’s chests. “I want to hear it from you,” he says sternly. Cas knows Sam would not have prayed to Cas if it hadn't been important. More than that, he wouldn't have said Dean had something to ask unless te question needed to come from Dean himself.  Cas is prepared to stare him down.

 

                Dean gulps and steps back into the truck. His back hits some broken metal but his eyes are too focused on Cas’s to notice the pain it causes. He feels his words tangle in his mouth at the way Cas is looking at him. “Uh, it’s nothing… just, uh-"

 

                Cas’s brows furrow again but more in confusion than anger. “Why can’t you form coherent sentences?” he asks curiously, having no idea what his proximity is doing to Dean. He studies Dean’s face closer and finally Dean pushes him back lightly but forcibly.

 

                “God, Cas, give a guy some space. I can’t breathe with you that close to me.” Dean doesn’t mean for it to come out the way it does, but he is too flustered to care what his comment sounds like. He knows it sounds like Cas takes his breath away but luckily the angel is too oblivious to realize and Dean can let that comment go.

 

                “I feel it is necessary to keep you pinned down. You too easily avoid things when you can run.”

 

                Dean ignores the ‘pinned down’ comment and goes straight for the running. “I run off? Wow, that’s rich coming from you, Cas. Where did you have to hurry off to yesterday that you couldn’t even say goodbye?”  Cas looks down now and it is Dean’s turn to step forward and corner the guy.

 

                “What are you not telling us, Cas?” Cas’s eyes dart up to Dean’s, scared, and he backs up into a beaten-up van. Dean recognizes the look on his face and grips the front of Cas’s trench coat. He leans his face in real close to Cas and says, “Don’t run away again. Tell me what is going on.”

 

                Cas’s hands end up on Dean’s, almost like he is about to pull them away but he doesn’t, just reasts his hands on Dean’s. When he finally speaks, his voice is soft and terrified, “I think I am going to fall, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the second chapter! Leave comments if you like/hate/have any questions. Any comments are appreciated.


	3. If you fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has told Dean he wants to fall and Dean, well, he isn't going to let his angel make any hasty decisions.

                 Dean’s eyes search the angel’s with so much raw intensity Cas is completely shattered. He feels as if Dean can see into his soul, can read every thought he has tried to keep hidden. He grips the hunter’s hands but doesn’t look away from Dean’s eyes as if urging him to stop while begging him to stay. 

                “What do you mean you want to fall?” Dean whispers. Then, he raises his voice to his normal volume because if this scene isn’t a goddamn chick flick moment already, he isn’t about to add to the ambiance. “As in, become human?”

                Cas continues to look into Dean’s eyes with a returned intensity, trying to read Dean’s reaction. “Yes, Dean, I want to fall to become human.”

                Dean shuts up now, needing a few minutes to wrap his brain around this. He releases Cas’s coat and moves away, knowing the angel isn’t going anywhere now. The secret is already out and it would do no good to run off again. Dean turns away from Cas, feeling uncomfortable with the atmosphere and the way Cas is looking at him. He shakes his head, trying to focus on the falling and the grace issues. Finally, he turns back to Cas and asks, “Why the hell would you want to do that?”

                Cas looks up suddenly, confused, and he takes his time in answering when he sees the look on Dean’s face is curious and beyond concerned. He knows Dean isn’t ready to hear that he wants to stay with him and Sam, that Dean would not accept that as a good reason, so he settles for the more obvious answer, “I want to become human because I want freedom; I want choice. More than anything, I want free will. God told us one thing when he created you: that we were to love you more than we love Him. Do you know how many angels listened? Not many actually retaliated as Lucifer did, but did any of us listen?  Well, I think I did and I think that is my problem. I love the humans too much, Dean. I want to be one of you.”

                 Dean shouldn’t be as surprised as he his, but what Cas is saying seems crazy.  He knows an angel can want to be human; Anna wanted to be human. He just can’t imagine Cas wanting it. Cas has seen humanity at its worse; he's seen Dean at his worse. How could the guy witness all the crap he has and still want to be human? Dean shakes his head again, telling himself to focus back on what is important. Anna ripped out her grace, she was on angel radar, and the same thing could happen to Cas.  If Castiel falls, he won’t have his angel mojo anymore, he’ll be vulnerable. Dean’s ready to roll with this fact and come up with a better solution as he asks Cas, “What happens if you fall, huh? What will the angels do to you then? You won’t have powers, you won’t have any protection.”

                Cas sighs, wondering why Dean must always take on burdens that aren’t his. "Dean, you don't need to protect me. This decision is mine; I can make it on my own." Cas means this to be considerate, but Deans face changes from worry to anger in seconds.

                “Dammit, Cas! Haven’t we moved past all this crap yet? There is no such thing as ‘mine’ anymore. You, me, and Sam, we’re a team.”

                 Cas nods, brows furrowed. He didn’t mean to upset his hunter. “I know we are a team, Dean. I did not mean-”

                Dean huffs and steps back, ready to end this conversation and begin the search for better options. “I know what you were thinking, Cas. You just forget that you aren’t a burden to us, you’re our friend.” Dean slaps the guy on the back, motioning him toward the house. Cas looks at the ground and wonders what it will take to convince Dean that falling is the only way.

                They walk back to the house then and find Bobby and Sam waiting in the kitchen. Bobby raises his eyebrows when he sees Cas, wondering why the guy looks so dopily happy.  _Weren't they supposed to be fightin'?_ When Dean comes in after him, Bobby sees a glint of appreciation in his eyes when they pass over Cas and Bobby thinks he may have his answer.  _Those two found some way to make up._  Bobby keeps this to himself, asking them, “So what were you two up to? Anything you’d like to share with the rest of the group?”

                Dean opens the fridge and pulls out a beer. Sammy frowns disapprovingly because of how early in the day it is. Dean only shrugs at Sammy as he turns back toward the three of them and pops the cap. “Cas wants to become human.”

                Sam opens his mouth in surprise and looks at Cas who only glances away nervously. Bobby crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the counter, ready for the debate that is sure to come out of this. “Why would you wanna do that?” Bobby asks.

                Dean speaks over Cas’s mumbled reply, “Long story short, he can’t handle heaven. So now we have to decide the best way to deal with this.”'

                Bobby looks from Dean to Cas and back to Dean, trying to understand why Dean is doing all the talking but coming up short. Cas seems to be willing to let Dean argue his side, even if he doesn’t agree. "What do ya mean 'deal with this'? If Cas wants to fall, he's fallin', right?" Bobby asks.

                Dean frowns and gives Bobby a glare. "No, Bobby, we’re not just gonna let him fall without considering all our options first. It’s too dangerous."

                Bobby throws his hands up in frustration. "What other options? Being leashed to heaven don't sound easy when you’re in the good graces with it. I can't imagine what it’s like if you're rebelling against it."

                Dean steps toward Bobby, urging him to shut the hell up by the look on his face. "Cas isn't rebelling, he shut Lucifer in his cage. He may not be on their favorites list but he's safer there than he would be fallen and helpless here on Earth."

               "Why don't you let the angel talk? He’s the one who don't like being up there. Why don't we ask  **him**  if he's safe in heaven, safe anywhere? As soon as heaven realizes he ain’t loyal, they'll git him. Better that he's down here where we can protect him."

                Dean doesn't even spare Cas a glance or pay any attention to the angel, just continues his heated glare with Bobby. "Cas isn't an idiot, Bobby, he can play like he's a good little soldier."

                Bobby finally straightens up from his leaning against the wall and points a finger at Dean, "You listen to me, boy. I've been doin' this a lot longer than you and I know it’s only a matter a time before Cas breaks. It don't matter how strong you are, nobody can hold out forever. Or did you forget what happened with you in hell?"

                Sam gasps quietly, "Bobby!," but the men ignore him. Sam isn’t exactly surprised at either of them, they’ve gotten in these kinds of fights before, but for Bobby to bring up what Dean did in hell is going too far.  _Dean has struggled with it ever since, he doesn’t need Bobby reminding him of it and he sure as hell doesn’t need it used as an example against him. I know they’ll make up but the look on Dean’s face is more than just anger._

                The men are barely inches apart, neither ready to back down. Dean loves Bobby, yeah, but when he's out of line Dean knows it’s his job to tell him. And Bobby, well, Bobby just thinks Dean needs to stop riding his high horse and think about Cas, put himself in his shoes.

                Of course, Dean is the first to break a minute later.  _Bobby can think what he wants; it doesn’t change the fact that we’re finding another way_. Dean mutters, "We're finding another way," and then storms off toward the stairs. He takes them two at a time and ignores the silence left in the kitchen behind him.

                He goes into the bedroom he and Sammy have shared since they were kids. Their dad would dump them here during hunts sometimes and Bobby would look after them. The football Bobby bought them still sits in the corner of the room. Dean lies down on his bed and the springs creak under him. The sound is so familiar, he finds himself wanting to smile. But he’s too pissed right now to get happy over fond memories. He closes his eyes, runs his hands down his face, and moans in frustration. Dean wants the answers to come to him now so he can go back and make things right with Bobby; he doesn't like the man being angry with him. He squeezes his eyes shut even tighter and wills his mind to give him the answers, searches everything he knows but nothing comes from it. He can’t think of any other way to protect Cas or to make him happier. He knows the answer has to be right in front of him. He knows there must be a better solution than either of the options, there has to be. He can't let Cas get hurt any more than he already has.

               The flutter of wings rings in Dean's ears and he looks around to see Cas standing by the window behind Dean. Dean stands, turns toward the angel, and tries to read the stone cold expression on Cas's face. When he can't, he asks, "What is it, Cas?"

               Cas is looking out the window and turns his head slightly, letting his eyes glance at Dean's before turning back to stare at the yard behind the house. He takes his time before saying, "I never intended for you to argue with him, Dean. This has already gone too far."

              “Cas, we have to fight to figure tough things out. This, you falling, it’s a big deal. We can’t just choose the easiest solution; we have to argue some to make the best decision. Give us time to figure this out, Cas.”

                Cas turns away from the window, slowly, to face Dean. He already has made up his mind and he can’t wait for Dean to accept it. “There is no time, Dean. I have made my decision. I will not spend another day in heaven so that you can explore ‘other options’ which do not exist.”

                Cas’s words hit Dean like a ton of bricks and he almost falters but catches himself. Dean steps toward him, already prepared for him to leave but Cas isn’t going anywhere quite yet. He lets Dean grab him by the lapels of his trench coat and doesn’t flinch when the man drags him close and says, “I won’t let you do this to yourself, you have to give us time.”

                Cas looks into Dean’s eyes and his expression is soft, free of anger or sadness. Dean does not see or feel what happens next, the slight touch Cas leaves on his face. He lets his fingers brush down Dean’s face lightly, tracing the rough form. Of course, he moves too quickly for the human to perceive and Dean is only left with a faint tingle on his jaw. Dean doesn’t even notice it really, just feels as if the wind touched his cheek. Cas distracts him from it anyways with what he says next. His eyebrows pull together slightly, in concern and wonder, and he asks, “Will you be here for me when I fall?”

                Dean is frozen in place, staring at the way Cas’s lips move as he asks this, memorizing the way they curve at certain syllables. His own mouth goes dry and he gulps his nerves down his throat, urging himself to do something, to stop Cas from doing this. Instead, he lifts his eyes to meet Cas’s and says, “I’ll catch you if you fall, Castiel.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments, feedback is always appreciated. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	4. He can get on a damn plane if he has to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has fallen and the subject of getting on a plane must be discussed.

                Castiel opens his eyes slowly, adjusting them to the sudden light. The sun is directly over his head, setting a course for new sensations, first sensations. He had felt this heat before, of course; he had felt the sun on his vessel’s face, but never with so much clarity and raw feeling. Now, he can clearly feel every point the sun hits, can feel the slight pain accompanied by the peacefulness of the sun’s touch. He feels his skin, his body, react to the sun’s rays in ways he could never have imagined before this moment. Before right now, he had been feeling through a veil of touch his vessel felt; he could only get a glimpse of what it was like to truly feel in a human’s skin. Now, he is directly affected by everything.

                The wind circles his bare shoulders, he can feel that. The sand all around him, underneath him is rough, he can feel that. He can feel the desert’s humid air sticking to him. More importantly, his heart is beating fast and he can not only hear it in his head but he can feel it in his chest. His lungs are heaving with this new experience that is breathing. He has to breathe on his own, he can feel that. His vessel had taken care of all the simplest human functions and he is amazed by every single organ and feeling going on inside of him, completely at his will to change. He can hold his breath, stop his breathing. He can close his eyes, stop his sight. He can close his fist and feel the pain his nails cause as they press into his delicate skin. All these things he could do before, but not in the same way. He could not fully experience anything until now.

                Castiel stumbles to his feet, aware of every muscle he has to use to do this simple task. He feels the grains of sand that stuck to him fall to the ground as he straightens up, stands on his new feet. He looks down at his body, touches the fragile skin of his arms, and smiles. He looks around, sees a village to his left full of people and remembers. All at once he sees Dean’s face in his mind, sees Sam and Bobby too. He suddenly recalls his family as he watches the people in the village and he smiles, thinking how close he is to them now. He may have a long journey ahead of him, may have to travel far to find them but he isn’t so far. He’s human now, just like them.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                Dean paces around the house in a series of rushed movements. He sits at the table, than moves to the couch. He paces around the living room, than he stands in the doorway. No matter where he moves, he’s not satisfied and ends up moving minutes later. Bobby watches the boy from his spot on the couch and knows Dean isn’t going to quit his worrying until Cas is with them. He also knows the former angel will be fine, that he’ll make it back here.

                Sammy stays where he’s been since the angel left: at the table Dean continues to return to and leave again. Sam’s face is crinkled with a different kind of concern; he’s worried for his brother more than for the angel. He knows Cas will be alright, he knows he will return in one piece. He’s just afraid for his brother, wondering what the outcomes of all this will do to him. A million different things could happen.  _Anna forgot everything about being an angel; will Cas forget us? And if he does, will he ever get home? What’ll happen to Dean if Cas never finds his way back?_

                Dean is sure Cas will not forget them, he is sure. Yet, he continues to pace the house in worry.  He runs through the same facts in his head, trying to convince himself _. I know Cas will remember us; I know he is strong enough to remember. Cas wouldn’t have fallen if he didn’t think he would remember us. He wanted to fall so he could be with us. He wouldn’t have fallen if he wasn’t sure._

                Bobby interrupts Dean’s assurances to himself, “Why don’t you just sit down and quit your worryin, boy?” Bobby says. _The kid is going to drive himself nuts if he doesn’t take a break from all this rushing around the house_. “Cas is gonna be fine.”

                Dean stops in his tracks and turns to Bobby,“I know.” He walks over the couch and sits down next to Bobby and sighs. “I know,” he whispers, more to himself than to Bobby. He sits, leans back, and pretends he is relaxed.

                The phone suddenly rings, pulling the men out of their trances. Dean sits straighter, back growing rigid now that his answers could finally be here. Sam rushes to the wall all the phones are tacked to and pulls the one ringing. “Hello?,” he says, and then looks at Dean when the other side replies. “Cas, where are you?,” he asks and watches Dean realize that it is, in fact, Cas. He sees a series of emotions cross Dean’s features, the most prominent one being relief, along with doubt and fear.

                Dean jumps up from the couch and rushes to Sam, taking the phone from him and yelling into it, “Cas, where are you? We’re coming to get you. Where are you?” He doesn’t even think twice about yanking the phone from Sam, and Sam doesn’t seem to take it too personally. He steps back to let his crazed brother take care of his guy.

                On the other side, Cas smiles. He is too dazed to notice the obvious worry in Dean’s voice so he replies calmly, “Dean, it’s wonderful. I can feel the wind, the sun, everything.” Cas closes his eyes, tilts his head upward, and almost giggles in delight. The sun seems to enter every crevice, every pore of his face and neck. The wind circles him and swishes the trench coat around his calves, and even this makes Cas happy.

                “Yeah, that’s great, Cas. Where are you?” Dean says, impatient. He just needs Cas here, he needs him back home. Cas’s chill attitude is also really annoying Dean to say the least. The guy could try to stay focused on what’s actually important right now.

                Still not really hearing Dean, Cas continues his dreamy descriptions, “I’ve been walking for hours, my feet ache. I feel the pain in my legs, Dean. Isn’t that strangely amazing? I can feel what the exercise is doing to me.”

                “Cas, I swear to God, we will discuss the joys of being human when we get you home. For now, please tell me where the hell you are.” Dean is gripping the phone so tight he feels his knuckles strain and hand throb. He is too concerned with Cas to fully grip the fact that his patience is gone and he might just be on the verge of screaming at the guy.  

                “I talked to some of the natives. They speak a language I vaguely remember; they say I am in South America.”

                “Where in South America, Cas?” Dean asks, trying to keep his voice calm. His heart is thudding so hard in his chest right now he thinks it might burst. Doesn’t Cas understand what the hell he’s putting Dean through? Doesn’t he get how worried Dean is? 

                “The men of the village say they will drive me to the jet landing where most of their supplies are delivered. They say the helicopter can fly me out of here.”

                Dean runs his hand over his face and sighs, “Okay, Cas, get on the plane and ask the pilot to take you somewhere and then call us from there and we’ll come get you. If he asks you for money, tell him you’ll pay him when you’re landed. And be nice; don’t let him think you’re broke. You have to scam your way until we can get to you, okay?” He speaks slowly, praying Cas is better with his social skills now that he’s human. They can work on all that later but for now he just has to get Cas to understand that he needs him to get back safe.

                “Dean, I have money. Bobby gave it to me before I left. I have-,“ he breaks off as he counts the wad of bills, “Nine hundred dollars.”

                Dean looks at Bobby and covers the phone to asks, “You gave the dude nine hundred?”

                Bobby shrugs, “I figured he could use it in case something like this happened.”

                Dean raises an eyebrow and shrugs, happy that Bobby thought ahead. He uncovers the phone and says, “Okay, Cas, only give the pilot what he asks for and try to keep at least two hundred for later. Keep as much as you can, and be sneaky, okay? And nice, don’t forget to be really, really nice. Kill with kindness, Cas.” He pauses a minute, letting Cas digest what he’s telling him. Then, “Will you remember this number?”

                Cas nods on the other side, distracted by the bird chirping off in the distance. When he realizes Dean can’t see him nodding, he says into the phone, “Oh. Yes, I will.” 

                “Good. And, Cas?” Dean says, turning away from Bobby and Sam, toward the corner of the kitchen.  _I’m not embarrassed; I just don’t need to see the looks on their faces_.

                “Yes, Dean?” Cas asks, frowning in concentration. He hears a softer urgency in Dean’s voice and it stands out from his earlier tone.               

“Stay safe,” he says quietly. He hangs up the phone and turns back to Bobby and Sam. Sam is leaning against the counter, looking relieved. He sees the slight blush on Dean’s cheek and decides not to tease him about telling Cas to stay safe. As much as he’d like to, he knows his brother needs that to be overlooked. It was between Dean and Cas; Sam can respect that this once.

                Bobby gets up from the couch, a stern look on his face, and walks into the kitchen. He stops a few feet from the boys. He is glad Cas is safe, but he’ll be damned if he lets what Dean was doing to himself continue.  _I ain’t gonna let him worry himself sick anymore._ He stares at Dean as he says, “Cas is safe for now, so you’d better calm down about it.”

                Dean looks away, hating the condescending tone in Bobby’s voice.  _I’m not a kid anymore. He could treat me with a little more respect or at least cut me some slack for worrying about Cas._  “I will, but not until we get him home safe.”

                Bobby raises his eyebrows, wondering if Dean has taken into account yet what getting Cas home safe means. “I hope you’re ready to get on a plane then. Wherever he ends up, the quickest way to get to him is by plane.”

                Dean gulps.  _A plane? Do I really have to get on one of those death traps?_. “We can’t just – ”

                Bobby shakes his head and slaps his boys on the back, “You two better get going, you’ll want to be at the airport when Cas calls again.”

                Sammy straightens up and heads toward the door smiling slightly. Personally, he loves flying and if he gets to tease his brother, even better.  He turns back before opening the door to see Dean already working himself up over it. Bobby laughs outright, making Sam’s smile grow. Dean huffs and walks past them toward the door. “Shut up, Bobby. I can get on a damn plane if I have to.”

                Sammy laughs. “Yeah, as long as it doesn’t fly too high, right?”

                Bobby slaps Sam on the back, “Or if it stays on the ground the whole time.”

                The two of them laugh and Dean rolls his eyes, wishing he could say something back, tell them he’s just fine getting on a plane. The truth, though, is that he can already feel his heart beating too fast in his chest.  _I won’t freak out, though. I’m not giving them the satisfaction. I’m not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please leave comments.


	5. I want to sit in the back with Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers drive Cas back to Bobby's.

Rapid City Regional Airport, South Dakota

 

              

 

                Dean reaches into the bag of potato chips again, yanking out a handful and shoving them all into his mouth. He chomps on them and looks around the car, keeping his mind on the movement of his jaw so that he doesn't have to think about where he is. Sam is turned towards him, looking at him with an amused expression and Dean frowns, “What? I’m hungry.”

 

                Sam laughs and shakes his head. “That or you’re eating your nerves again.”

 

                Dean keeps his glare on Sam as he reaches into the bag and shovels another handful into his mouth. He chews it slowly and with attitude, making Sam laugh again. Halfway through chewing, he opens his mouth and talks around the food, “I'm fine, man. Planes got nothin’ on me, I kill freakin’ monsters!” He says this with exaggerated confidence, swallows the chips, and reaches inside the bag for more. He frowns when he finds it empty.

 

                Sam laughs at Dean again and turns back toward the front, watching the chaos that is the front of the airport as people stop to drop off and pick up their loved ones. He leans his head back against the headrest as the sun warms his face and he closes his eyes. Dean crackles his empty bag of chips angrily and tosses it into the backseat. Dean eyes Sammy’s relaxed posture and hates it. Why is he cool with planes? They're a whole lot scarier than clowns, that’s for sure.

 

                Dean looks around for another distraction but all he sees is a pile of wrappers in the backseat and his silent phone on the dash. They’ve been parked at the airport for hours and still, no ring. If Dean wasn’t worrying himself sick about the plane he would be freaking out about the lack of news from Cas or Bobby.

 

                Dean suddenly can’t take it anymore so he turns on the car and switches on the radio. Sam lifts his head with a half groggy, half annoyed expression and whines, “I’m trying to sleep here, Dean, and it isn’t good for the car to keep it on just for the radio.”

 

                “Shut up,” Dean replies, turning up the volume. He bangs his hands against the wheel rhythmically and sings along with Highway to Hell. About thirty seconds into it, Sam gives up and joins in. They sing and Dean looks at Sammy fondly, enjoying the brotherly love even if it is dangerously close to a chick flick moment. The song ends eventually, though, so Dean doesn’t have to worry about seeming too happy to be singing with his brother at an airport because that would be weird. They sit back and listen calmly to the next song.

 

                When the phone rings, they both jump and Dean switches off the radio. He picks the phone up, answering on the third ring. “Bobby?”

 

                “Yeah, it’s me. Cas is on his way to you. The captain got him on a plane to the airport you’re at. The guy took all his money but at least Cas got a one-way to you guys. So it looks like you get to skip the plane ride this time.”

 

                Dean sighs in relief and focuses his attention back to Cas, who’s more important than his fear of flying. He asks, “When is his flight landing?”

 

                “Mmmm, should only be a few hours.”

 

                “Thanks, Bobby.” Dean hangs up then and turns to Sammy. “We aren’t dying in a plane today, my friend. Cas got a ride back here.”

 

                “That’s great.” Sam says, smiling dopily.

 

                “Yeah, it is.” Dean smiles and shift to get comfy, but Sam reaches over and turns off the car, whining about saving gas. The two of them climb out and head toward the entrance, relieved that Cas will be home in a few hours.  Dean would have liked to stay and take a nap in his baby but he doesn’t feel like arguing with Sam.

 

                The brothers wait inside on the cheap airport chairs. Dean looks over after a few minutes to talk to Sam, just to pass the time, but he sees that Sammy is asleep, snoring quietly. His head is hanging over the back of the little black chair in a very uncomfortable-looking position. Dean smiles at his brother, because he looks like an oversized kid, but he’s glad Sammy’s able to rest.

 

                He settles back into the seat himself and daydreams about pie and cars. Before he knows it, the speaker announces that Cas’s flight is landed. Dean gets up, looks down at Sammy, and decides to leave him there. Sammy could use the sleep, especially since Dean’s making him do the drive back home. It’s not that he’s tired; he just wants to make sure Cas is alright. He can skip one drive to sit with Cas and make sure he’s cool.

 

                Dean is standing impatiently waiting for Cas at the gate, looking around at all the wives and children and some old parents waiting for their people to get off the plane. He smiles to himself, thinking about Cas. He’s sort of been adopted in their family.

 

                When the crowd begins to walk down the ramp, Dean straightens up and digs his nails into his palms, trying to look over everyone’s heads to get a glimpse at Cas. The moment he sees him walking behind a woman and her son, his heart skips a beat. Cas walks down the ramp, dressed in his usual suit and trench coat. The outfit is faded and dirty and it looks like he’s been through hell, but it’s Cas. Dean smiles, because it’s Cas and Cas is alright, he’s well. He may look a little battered but he’s safe.

 

                As soon as Cas steps into the waiting area, Dean barrels into him.  He hugs the dude so hard Cas lets out a shocked gasp. Dean’s arm comes around the guy’s shoulder and the other under one of his arms. Cas takes a beat and then follows the motion, hugging Dean back with slightly less force; that isn’t saying much, though, because Dean is hugging him so tightly it’s a wonder Cas can even breathe. When Dean finally pulls back he is smiling widely and says, “Hey, Cas” with a cheesy amount of happiness dripping from his voice.

 

                Castiel feels a smile tug at his lips as well and his heart feels light. He wonders if the feeling is a physical or just an emotional weight on his chest. Whatever the feeling is, he likes it. He also enjoys saying, “Hello, Dean.” He enjoys the way he feels when he says Dean's name, enjoys the memories accompanied with it.

 

                The two men stand there smiling at each other for longer than necessary. Dean wants to move, wants to hug Cas again or maybe pat him on the back but he is frozen by the look in Cas’s eyes. He is staring at Dean with a strange expression and searching Dean’s face in wonder.  When Dean notices they’re blocking people, he pulls Cas aside and leads him back to where Sammy is waiting.

 

                    Dean nudges his brother awake. Sammy wakes with a start and looks at Dean, then at Cas. He smiles at the rumpled suit and the messy hair. “Hey, Cas” He says as he gets to his feet. He pats Cas on the back, glad he looks alright. “How are you feeling?”

 

                Cas’s eyes widen with enthusiasm, ready to tell Sam exactly how he feels. Before he can, Dean jumps in with, “Uh, why don’t we talk about this in a better place?” He eyes the people shuffling around them and Sam nods in mutual agreement. A busy airport is definitely not the place to discuss how an angel who’s just fallen is feeling. Cas just looks slightly confused, but he keeps his mouth shut.

 

                They walk out of the airport and towards the parking lot. Cas is walking beside Dean - so close that Dean can feel their hands brush past each other - and staring at his feet in concentration and Sammy trails behind, shuffling his feet tiredly. When they can see the Impala in the distance, Dean glances back at his brother, whistles to get Sam’s attention and then tosses him the keys. Sam frowns and Dean shrugs. “You can drive. I want to sit in the back with Cas.”

 

                Sam’s frown deepens, questioning, but he lets it go when Dean looks away. After a few minutes of silence, Cas finally says, “The ground is very hot. You would think the creator of it would take into account the discomfort of those who walk on it.”

 

                Dean snorts. So that’s why he was staring at the ground for so long. To Cas, Dean says, “You probably just need new shoes after all that walking. Come to think of it, we’re gonna need to get you some new clothes as well.”

 

                Cas looks at Dean, confused. Why do I need new clothes? “No, I think the ones I have are perfectly fine.”

 

                Dean smiles at the guy’s confusion and the fact that he thinks those dirty clothes are ‘perfectly fine’. “You’ve got to have more than just an old suit and dirty trench coat, especially now with your new human sweat glands.”

 

                Cas still looks confused, and a bit offended. “I like my coat.”

 

                Dean finds it endearing that the guy doesn’t want to give up his stupid outfit. But, the dude does need some more clothes so he continues. “Well, you can keep the coat. You just have to wear it at more appropriate times. Like, when it’s eighty degrees out, you shouldn’t be wearing it.”

 

                Cas looks away from Dean, still frowning in annoyance. Dean doesn’t have to sound so demeaning, acting like Cas has no say. He mumbles, “I like my coat,” because he really just can’t think of anything else to say.

 

                Dean decides to let it go for now. They can revisit it later. When they reach the car, Dean holds open the door for Cas and Sam climbs into the driver seat. Sam makes a sound Dean doesn’t appreciate, a sort of curious hum that annoys Dean. I can ride in the back with Cas if I want, damn i.

 

               They sit together in silence for a while and Dean almost says about a thousand things, but he stops himself because he wants to talk to Cas, sure, but Cas needs some time to relax. Dean looks out the window, intent to leave the former angel alone. He watches the cars zoom past them and starts to relax himself. About fifteen minutes into the ride, though, he feels a sudden weight press against his shoulder. He turns his head and looks down to see Cas asleep, his head lightly resting against Dean. This startles Dean, obviously, but it’s more of a pleasant surprise than shocking. For some reason, Dean enjoys watching Cas as he sleeps and he enjoys the way it feels to have Cas’s head on Dean’s shoulder. He doesn’t realize he is staring until Sammy butts in.

 

                “Hey, Dean” Sam whispers, “You do know you’re being creepy, right?”

 

                Dean snorts and looks away, toward the window again. “Shut up” He says quietly. He wants to say that Cas has done this to him plenty of times but that wouldn’t really help his case so he just lets the conversation rest on his halfhearted retort and looks out the window. It doesn’t bother him that he was watching Cas sleep. It’s not really weird. But, it does bother him that Sammy witnessed it. Dean doesn’t have anything to feel ashamed about, but he does hate the blush on his neck at being caught staring. He shouldn't care that Sam is teasing him but he does; it bothers him to think that Sammy may be judging him, reading into the staring or something. 

 

                They get to Bobby’s around nightfall and Dean has to nudge Cas awake. Again, he tells himself the feeling in his chest means nothing when Cas’s eyes open and meet his. Cas blinks a few times and rubs at his eyes, yawning.  Dean huffs quietly, annoyed that Cas looks so damn cute when he’s just woken up, and slides out of the car. He holds the door open as Cas climbs out after him. They walk to the house- well, Cas shuffles sleepily to the house- and meet Bobby right inside the kitchen. He rushes forward and before anyone knows what’s happening, Bobby throws holy water all over Cas and pulls out a knife. “Bobby!” The brothers shout but Bobby ignores their protests, grips Cas’s arm, and slices into it. When he is satisfied that Cas is not any form of monster, he grabs a towel and wraps the guy’s arm tightly. “Sorry, Cas. Just gotta be careful.”

 

                Cas is fully awake now, back to his stiff former-angel posture. “I understand,” he says carefully, still taken aback by Bobby’s intense routine.

 

                Bobby pats Cas on the back and smiles at him. “I’m glad you’re okay, boy.”

 

                Cas’s lips twitch into an awkward smile, feeling that tightness in his chest again. He thinks it definitely has something to do with being here with his family, feeling happy. “Thank you for helping me, Bobby.”

 

                Bobby’s face suddenly turns very serious and he leans closer to Cas. “You’re one of us now, son. You don’t need to be thankin’ me. God knows these two never do.” He gestures to Sam and Dean who open their mouths to protest only to be shushed by Bobby’s next words. “We’re always here, got it? We’ve always got your back. Don’t you ever feel like you can’t ask for help.”

 

                Cas feels his eyes welling up and he blinks, not enjoying the urge he suddenly feels to cry. “Thank you,” he says and then they all just stand there awkwardly until Dean steps forward and slaps Cas on the back.

 

                “Well, I’m sure Cas here is tired. Why don’t we all get to bed?” He suggests, looking between all the intense expressions. How this turned into a chick flick moment without his consent, he doesn’t know. But he’ll be damned if he lets it continue; and definitely not just because he feels tears rising in his throat at all the Cas-being-family talk.

 

                Bobby and Sam give Cas one more pat on the back before heading off to different sections of the house. When Dean and Cas are alone in the kitchen, Dean blows out an exasperated sigh. “Man, it’s been a long day.”

 

                Cas nods, studying Dean closely, just as he had studied the ground earlier and before that the plane and before that- well, everything else. Dean runs his hand over his face and Cas watches the movement, sees that Dean’s face actually seems to relax at this. It interests him to see what relaxes Dean. He doesn’t understand facial expression yet, but he intends to find out the whys and hows of human actions.

 

                Dean continues, oblivious to the ever-reeling thoughts going on in Cas’s head. “So, um, do you want to sleep in my bed? I can crash on the couch.”

 

                Cas is watching Dean shift his feet and continues to look anywhere but in Dean’s eyes, “No, I had plenty of sleep in the car.”

 

                Dean frowns. “That was only a few hours, man.” He also feels really uncomfortable at the way Cas’s eyes are avoiding his. What is so fascinating about the ground?

 

                Cas nods, meeting Dean’s eyes only when he says his name. “I’ve just gone from no sleep to hours of sleep, Dean. It feels unnatural to sleep, so a few hours is perfectly fine.”

 

                Dean nods but shifts again, hating the way Cas seems to be distracted by everything around them. He’s moved from the ground to the bookshelf next to them, turning his face completely away from Dean in order to look at it. “Talk about jet leg, huh.” He says louder, trying to get back Cas’s focus. The tone does get Cas to look at him, but not in the eyes.

 

                Cas doesn't understand what jet leg means and he is too busy studying Dean’s face to care. He looks bothered by something, but Cas can’t quiet put his finger on it. “Why are you angry, Dean?” Cas asks curiously, eyes squinted in concentration.

 

                Dean feels himself getting irritated. “I’m not angry, dammit. It would just be nice if you’d stop looking at everything and maybe put a little more effort into this conversation.” And damn it, I sound like a whiny girlfriend.

 

                Cas frowns and step toward him, back in the familiar territory that is Dean’s personal space, making Dean regret his statement even more. He wishes he hadn’t said it, wishes he wasn’t standing this close to Cas. Why does he have to stand so damn close? Why can’t I step away? Cas’s breath is hot on Dean’s lips, That is how close they are as Cas breathes, “My apologies, Dean”

 

                Dean wants to tear his eyes away, wants to stop staring into these eyes that seem to know him so well, are looking into him like they can see everything he feels and thinks. He doesn’t look away, though. He doesn’t move back or say anything, just keeps on staring back at Cas until someone bounding into the room pulls his attention away. Dean looks to the doorway just as Sam comes walking in. He stops short when he sees Dean and Cas standing barely an inch apart, opens his mouth to gape at the two of them. Cas is still studying Dean, clueless and Dean finally steps away, putting the much needed space between them. “Hey, Sammy” He says awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

 

                Sam raises his eyebrows at Dean. “Hey” he looks between his brother and Cas pointedly. “What’s going on?”

 

                Dean shrugs and looks away. “We were just, uh, talking.”

 

                Sam chuckles, “Yeah, sure, well I just came down to get a beer. Don’t let me interrupt.”

 

                “Shut up” Dean mumbles, glancing at Cas who has now gone from staring at Dean to looking between the brothers, confused. “Um, I’m just gonna go to bed then. Sure you don’t want to sleep in my bed, Cas?” Dean asks, and then bites his tongue when Sammy burst out laughing and he realizes what that sounded like. “I mean, you know, I can sleep on the couch, you know, if you want to try and get some sleep.”

 

                Cas shakes his head. “I am sure, Dean. I am not tired.”

 

                Dean nods, looks down awkwardly and then steps toward the door. “Okay, well, then I’ll just go up to bed then.”

 

                Cas nods and Sammy leans against the counter, panting as if the laughing took a lot out of him. “Goodnight Dean, sweet dreams.” Sam coos with a huge smile on his face.

 

 

                Dean leaves the room, a blush spreading over his face for the second time that day. He grunts, annoyed, and takes the stairs two at a time. What the hell am I doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments/kudos. Feedback would be great, let us know what you think of the story. Hope you're enjoying it.


	6. His head on Dean's shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to get Cas out of his trench coat.

                “Cas, can you please just take the damn thing off,” Dean says, growing increasingly annoyed. He and Cas are standing in the laundry room, facing each other with mirrored looks of challenge in their eyes. They have been standing here for ten minutes, next to the nearly full washer, as Dean tries to convince Cas to take off his dirty coat and give it to him.

 

                “It doesn’t need to be washed, Dean. It’s fine.” Cas says, a little frown on his face.

 

                “No, it’s not. That thing is filthy and it smells like crap. Let me wash it,” Dean growls.

 

                Cas shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pocket. He knows it’s irrational but he has this fear that if he gives the coat to Dean he won’t see it again.

 

                Dean slams a hand on the washing machine, making Cas flinch. “I swear to God, Cas, if you don’t give it to me, I will rip it off you myself.” Dean keeps his glare on Cas even as Cas’s eyes flicker around nervously- never mind the fact that if Cas wasn’t being so goddamn annoying, Dean would probably find the glancing around endearing.

 

                “I don’t have anything else to wear-“ Cas says softly, having nothing else to argue with. He knows it’s stupid but he just doesn’t want to give up his coat.

 

                “Cas, its seventy degrees out; you do not need a damn jacket.”

 

                Cas just looks away again and then glances back at Dean with those eyes and goddamn it Dean is willing to bet he learned those puppy dog eyes from Sammy. Dean feels himself caving, the look on Cas’s face making him go soft. He lowers his voice to speak calmly, “Listen to me, Cas. I promise you I will give it back. You just have to give it to me for a few hours. That’s it. Then I’ll give it right back and we can go shopping once you’ve got it on again, okay?”

 

                Cas looks at Dean hesitantly, then nods slowly. “Fine.” He says, but makes no move to take the thing off.

 

                Dean sighs heavily and steps forward, gripping the lapels of the coat. Cas’s hands come out of the pockets as Dean spreads open the coat and slides it off the man’s shoulders. When Dean gets the jacket off, he turns to throw it into the machine. Instead of moving back, Cas leans forward, even closer to Dean, to watch him pour in the soap and turn on the machine.

 

                When Dean turns back, Cas’s face is barely inches away and once again the two are obscenely close to each other. “Cas, seriously,” Dean mumbles but then his eyes lock with Cas and the statement is lost as he stares into those deep blue eyes. He closes his mouth and gulps, glancing down as Cas’s parted lips.

 

                “Seriously what, Dean?” Cas asks, catching the sudden change in the look on Dean’s face. He watches the hunter’s eyes search his face and feels his entire body grow warm from the intensity of Dean’s eyes on his face.

 

                “Nothing, uh, never mind.” Dean breathes, feeling his body lean forward slightly. He doesn’t know why but he feels as if he doesn’t have control over his own actions. His hand twitches and moves forward, brushing against Cas’s hand.

 

                Cas feels electric at Dean’s touch, feels his body move forward at the touch. He looks into Dean’s eyes, searching for an answer as to what exactly is happening. Dean seems just as clueless though, a look of almost bewilderment on his face.  “Dean?” He whispers, still watching Dean’s eyes as they glance between his own eyes and then his lips quickly, shyly.

 

                “Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks, settling on looking into Cas’s eyes curiously. Neither man move another muscle because another  slight move and they’d be touching more than just their hands and neither man know what to do with this fact.

 

                “Why do you keep looking at my lips?” Cas asks.

 

                This breaks Dean out of the trance and he jumps back, smashing into the open door. “Uh, I wasn’t- um I mean I didn’t mean to uh-“ He stops, too confused and flustered to make coherent sentences.

 

                Cas frowns, watching Dean attempt to regain his composure. He has no idea what this means or why Dean is so freaked out. “Are you okay, Dean?” Cas asks.

 

                Dean nods, feeling his throat close up and his hands start itching. “I’m just… yeah, I am great. Just, uh, why don’t we step outside?”

 

                Cas nods and moves out of the laundry room, walking into the living room where Sam is sitting on the couch, reading a book. He glances up and his eyes glance at Cas’s clothes. “He got you outta the coat?” Sam asks, surprised. He watches Dean stumble in, face flushed, and suddenly the statement takes on more meaning. Sam sits up, finding this a golden opportunity to mess with his brother. “Hey, Dean, how did you get Cas to take off his clothes?” He asks in a sing-song voice.

 

                Dean looks at Sam with wide eyes and then he coughs, looks away. “I’m going for a drive.” He mumbles, walking quickly into the kitchen.

 

                “Aren’t you going to invite Cas to come along?” Sam calls after him.

 

                Dean slams the door, leaving a laughing Sammy and a very much confused Cas in the house behind him.

 

                Dean jogs to his baby and climbs in, starting the Impala quickly and then pulling out of the lot, glancing back once. He sees Cas standing in the doorway, dressed plainly in his suit, watching Dean leave. Cas doesn’t look angry, or even upset, though. He has a look on his face like he is figuring something out, which only freaks Dean out more. Cas shouldn’t be able to read him this well, he shouldn’t be looking like he knows Dean’s intentions while Dean himself doesn’t even understand them.

 

 

              

 

                Dean comes back home hours later, the rank smell of alcohol on his breath and clothes. He stumbles into the dark house, shuffles into the living room, and sits down on the couch with a loud sigh. His head is spinning and his stomach feels queasy but he’s finally stopped thinking about Cas and that’s good enough for him.

 

                “Dean?” Sam comes into the room, switches on the light. “God, you smell terrible.”

 

                Dean blinks at the light and laughs. “Yeah, well you’re….dumb.” He mumbles the words almost incoherently and laughs again, burping when he’s finished. Images of the bar flash in his confused mind, a woman in a skinny black dress, the bartender taking his key, an old man in the corner watching him with intense eyes, the walk home and the many times he tripped.

 

                Sam sits down next to Dean on the couch and frowns at his drunken brother. He hasn’t gotten this drunk since- actually, he’s never gotten this drunk. Dean never drank enough to get drunk; he was too busy taking care of me and then too busy looking for dad. After that, he was too busy on the road hunting monsters with me, all this time. He’s drank a lot, sure, but it takes a lot to get Dean drunk. He isn’t usually this careless. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you, Dean?”

 

                “Nothin’” Dean slurs, resting his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. Despite his nausea and headache, all he wants to do is sleep.

 

                “Dean, you ran out of the house without an explanation and then showed up hours later drunk. Tell me what the hell is wrong with you that you couldn’t have called to let me know you were alright.”

 

                But the question is lost to Dean who is already asleep, snoring loudly. Sam makes a sound of annoyance, shoves Dean despite knowing the guy isn’t going to wake up from it, and heads for his bedroom. He stops on the third step up, though, when he sees Cas come into the living room. Sam watches him sit down next to Dean, pressed against Dean as he lays his head on his shoulder. Sam can only stare, open-mouthed at the ease in which Cas does this, as if it is perfectly normal for him to be sleeping next to Dean, on Dean. This is the second time he’s slept as a human, and both times have been resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

                Sam shakes his head, not really surprised. Dean’s been odd around men all his life and Cas, well Cas has only ever had eyes for Dean. Sam’s joking and teasing Dean seems to have more truth than he had originally thought.

 

                Sam goes up to bed, then, leaving Cas and a sleeping Dean alone. Cas hasn’t had any sleep since the car ride here and he feels his body aching all over, mainly his head. With his head against Dean, he finally feels relaxed enough to close his eyes. Dean’s snoring doesn’t bother Cas and he falls asleep enjoying the rhythmic hum of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments pretty please!


	7. the consequence of alcohol

                Dean wakes up slowly, and with a headache so massive he can barely hear the ringing in his ears. He grunts and tries to sit up but something is pressed against his arm, preventing that. He turns his head down, his throbbing head, to see Cas asleep on his arm.

                He tries to come up with reasons as to why he isn’t freaked out by this but his head hurts too much to try. He can’t remember last night, and thinking about it only makes him nauseous. So, he gives up on that train of thought too, just keeps staring at Cas.

                Seconds, minutes; hours later – Dean can’t actually tell- Cas stirs and stretches awake, lifting himself up from the bent over leaning. He blinks open his sleepy eyes to come face to face with Dean, who still hasn’t quit his staring at the former angel’s adorably messy hair and tired face. “Good morning, De-“

                Dean groans. “Don’t talk so loud, Cas.” He says, falling back into the indent he made in the couch.

                Cas whispers, “My apologies.”

                Dean rolls his eyes but even that hurts. Ever muscle, every movement of his muscles, hurts. He tries to keep his mind of it but anything else just makes his head hurt thinking. So he just lies there, hating himself for whatever decision he had made last night to consume all that alcohol.

                Sam comes barreling down the stars then, whistling as loudly as he possibly can. “Hey Dean, how are you feeling?” He shouts for no other reason than to watch Dean’s face crumble in annoyance and pain.

                “Shhhh.” Cas murmurs quietly. “He isn’t feeling well. And apparently the normal human volume is transmitting louder to his ears or in the transfer from his ears to his brain.”

                Sammy laughs, paying no attention to the volume of it. “No, Cas, he’s just hung over. And, besides, he deserves that pain.”

                Dean opens the eyes he had been squeezing shut to glare at Sammy. “Shut up and get me some coffee, Sammy.”

                Cas watches Sam nod and walk into the kitchen and he is confused. Sam said he deserved the pain, yet he still rushes to get Dean what will make him feel better. Cas could understand this as simple brotherly affection but something about the situation made it seem weird for Sam to simply run to Dean’s beg and call. He supposes what’s weird about it is just that Dean had apparently put these symptoms on himself, and Sam seems to be annoyed by that. Still, he aims to make Dean feel better.

                This, of course, leads Cas to wonder why Dean did this to himself. Could consuming alcohol really be worth this?

                Sammy comes back into the living room and hands Dean his coffee and two pills. “Here, take these.” He says, and Cas sees a look of concern in his eyes as he watches Dean swallow them down. He then hands him the coffee and waits until he’s had a sip before saying, “Where did you leave your car?”

                Dean frowns, looks like he might throw up. “Uh, it should still be at the bar. I mean the uh parking lot at the bar.”

                Sam nods. “The bar just outside of town?” He asks and then at Dean’s nod he is off walking toward the door. He turns back and looks at Cas, “I’m going to go pick up the car. Make sure he doesn’t drown in his own vomit or something.” And with that, Sammy is gone.

                Cas looks back at Dean who has already finished drinking his coffee. He asks, “Do you want me to get you another cup?”

                Dean looks at Cas as if he’s going to say no but thinks better of it, “That’d be great Cas, thanks. Just take the pitcher thing out of the other thing and poor the liquid into the cup.”

                Cas nods, recalling the look of the machine from the times he’d sat in coffee shops or been in someone’s home. He’s also had coffee himself before, just never had to poor it himself. When he walks into the kitchen, he recognizes the machine and fills up Dean’s cup with only a minor amount of spilling. He wipes the mess up with a paper towel and then walks the cup back out to Dean who is sitting up, looking like he’s trying to will the hang over away. His frown is fierce and his gaze transfixed on a piece of the carpet.

                Cas walks over to him and stops when Dean lifts his head up. Dean’s eyes are somewhat unfocused but still intense when they meet Cas’s. “Thank you.” He mumbles, taking the cup from Cas. Their finger’s brush and Cas feels that strange electricity at the meeting of their skin, just like when their hands touched in the laundry room.

                It only last for a second, a mere moment. But, still, Cas feels a shock run through him and it’s like time stopped. He keeps his eyes on Dean’s as Dean pulls away and thinks he may see a similar emotion in them as Cas is feeling. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update chapters as I write them. Thanks for reading! And thank you jbyounger for creative ideas and help with the geography.


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